Dear Sir/Madam I have recently been seeing Donald Gayle of the Respect Counselling
Service having realised that I am an alcoholic and need help. My first appointment
was on Tuesday 8 August 2000 and following that session I decided unilaterally
that rather be admitted to hospital or undergo any of the alternatives, I would
prefer to do a home detox under the supervision of a family member who has undergone
detox and was therefore conversant with the symptoms of withdrawal etc. Having
seen Donald a week later, and because of the progress I had made in such a short
space of time, he suggested I write down my experiences in the hope that it
might be of help to others. The person who helped me through the first five
days made some rough notes based on his observations and I have appended below
these notes just what I was feeling at the time.
TUESDAY EVENING 8 - 8.30pm
Last drink. WEDNESDAY - Day 1
Sweating, shaking, difficulty swallowing food. Little food but copious amounts
of fruit juice and water. I was woken at 7.30am and forced down at least 2 - 3
litres of fluid before going out with the dog for a 45 minute walk. On our return
I was presented with a plate of scrambled eggs and baked beans on toast and more
fruit juice. I really did not feel like eating and after about an hour and two
or three visits to the toilet to be sick, called it a day. It is better to try
and stay awake so that you can sleep at night, but all I wanted to do was crash
out. My hands and knees began to shake uncontrollably which is very frustrating
especially when trying to get a cup or beaker to your mouth. I just kept telling
myself that it would be worthwhile, but must admit it took some doing. I managed
to get a little food down later in the day but was sick again several times. In
all, I probably drank 15 - 16 litres of water/juice and therefore avoided the
risk of dehydration.
THURSDAY - DAY 3
Eating small amounts often. Plenty of fluids - some fruit, Weetabix & milky drink
at bedtime. Still sweating and shaking. Felt lousy this morning having had very
little sleep through sweating and feeling sick and jangly. I managed to keep my
breakfast down and have the feeling that today might not be as bad as yesterday
(the art of positive thinking or possibly self-delusion - either way it works).
Exercise through walking the dog and just generally trying to keep occupied even
simple little tasks like brewing up or doing the pots. Had a warm bath this afternoon
followed by a lie down for a couple of hours. This seemed to do me the world of
good as when I woke up the shakes had temporarily subsided although the sweats
came and went at irregular intervals.
FRIDAY - DAY 3
Still sweating. Shaking easing but very jumpy. Appetite returning, fluid intake
good (fruit juice etc). Had an awful night - sweating profusely for much of it
and when I drop off for what was only ten or so minutes at a time, I had the most
terrible dreams that made no real sense whatsoever and at one point I was hearing
things like peoples voices and the sounds of cars etc. outside, when in fact there
was nothing there. I even got out of bed on several occasions to check. The other
alarming thing was that I wasn't exactly sure where I was, since I was at my Mum's
house instead of my own, and I found myself getting mildly frustrated because
things weren‚t where they were supposed to be. Went for a long walk over the moors
at Darwen that took up most of the morning and in the afternoon helped out with
the gardening. I feel much better in myself, even though I have been dry for only
two days. The strange thing is, although I have probably not gone without a daily
drink for over five years without any sort of medication to suppress them, I have
had not even the slightest craving for an alcoholic drink. I have found myself
voluntarily eating the sort of healthy food that I have not eaten for years and
can actually taste it.
SATURDAY -DAY 4
Sweating easing. Shaking also subsiding, UNTIL VISITING HOME. Well motivated though.
Appetite increasing. Another horrible night with the sweats and strange dreams
although not as bad as the previous night. I have been keeping up the juice during
the day together with fruit and proper meals, and have not been sick since Thursday
morning. I am noticing the improvements during the day although the nights still
present a problem, half of which I am sure is all in the mind. The reason that
the shakes came back temporarily at lunchtime is that I visited home and got a
frosty reception from my wife, who was expecting me home by now.
IT IS NOT THAT EASY!
I have told her that I will go home when I feel that I can deal with any stressful
situation that comes along that doesn't require me to feel that the only way I
can cope is by turning to the bottle. The rest of the day passed without incident
and I gradually returned to being calm(ish).
SUNDAY -DAY 5
Sweating almost stopped. Ferocious appetite. Keeping up fluid intake. I feel fine
today after getting about 4 hours uninterrupted sleep and very few dreams, none
of which were anywhere near as strange as the previous few nights. I can't stop
eating though, so I am going to have to keep up the regular exercise to keep the
excess weight off. One major personal achievement over the course of today and
yesterday is that anybody and everybody that was likely to visit my mum's house
did so, and I came through it without the shakes, sweating or a panic attack.
I was really proud of myself, since this was a regular feature of my life while
I was drinking. I can honestly say that I feel I have done the initially difficult
part and have come through unscathed. Since these first five days, in which I
dried out, I have continued with the same diet and the water and juice regime
and feel better every day. The improvements in my case were more marked after
the first few days, perhaps by day 3, and although I still feel better at the
end of each subsequent day the improvements are not quite so noticeable, but they
are there.
It is now nearly two weeks since my last drink and I can still safely say that
I don't miss it all and regret some of the things that I did while under the influence
and all the opportunities missed. I feel that there really is no point though
to dwell on what might have been and concentrate and what I can do and be. I can't
remember the last time I felt this physically well. I have done several long walks
and some fell walking and just this last week have bought a new bike so that I
can recommence something I always enjoyed before I started to drink heavily. The
next step after that was to move back home which I did on day 11. So far, so good,
but after being out of it for such a long time, I realise that it may take some
time before people come to trust me again, and believe me when I say;
I DON'T DRINK ANYMORE!
The next big step is to get back to work, which I shall be doing on a phased return
basis from the beginning of September. Fortunately my boss is very understanding
and I have been lucky in the respect that this hasn't cost me my job. I am looking
forward to going back to work, watching my little girl grow up (she starts school
in September) and living the rest of my life without booze. By all accounts, my
experience with detox was relatively mild, possibly because I was coming off drink
like cider and Guinness and hadn't gone as far that is as singularly unpleasant,
but it is only a few days out of a lifetime. That lifetime, I feel, now that I
have quit will not only be that much longer, but its quality will also be immeasurably
better. This letter has turned out to be far longer than I originally intended,
but I actually feel a sense of achievement in completing it, so maybe there is
a two-fold benefit there. I hope you can use it.
Yours faithfully.
|
SRB
6 East Bolton